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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

22:30 on 01.11.03
"makes me happy"

*sigh*

i miss him the most at two times. (yeah that sounds a little off balance but i do mean something.) i miss him so much right after i leave him. and i miss him so much when i haven't seen him in awhile.

i love him so much, leaving him is very painful. i feel as if i am being ripped away from one of the few things that make me truly happy. well, i am being taken away (not exactly ripped away) from one of the few things that make me truly happy. well, not exactly 'few' things that make me truly happy.

so what does make me truly happy?

(1) if you couldn't figure it out... him. he makes me truly happy. my joshua makes me truly happy. being with him is so wonderful, so excellent. when i am with him, i am excited and a little afraid because with love you never know what may happen next. but i am happy. when i am with him, on the phone talking to him, or just reading an email from him. it's perfection.

(2) music. i love music. it rocks my world, literally and figuratively. (= i want to be a musician and whenever i play my flute or my piccolo or i listen to the radio, it just fills me up and takes me away to somewhere else. i just get so caught up in all of it. i really do. there's this magic that comes with music and that magic is a wonderful thing to experience.

[oh yeah. i am not very good at expressing my thoughts right now. i don't know why. i really don't know why.]

(3) writing. even though i am not very articulate right now, writing as always been one of my passions. and before i screw over explaining my feelings over this... i think i am going to just shut up about writing.

i can't say exactly how i feel right now. i have all this... stuff... i guess... pent up inside of me and it won't come out. maybe i am just distracted. i am watching "the face on the milk carton" which is a movie based off of that caroline b. cooney book called "the face on the milk carton." (wow what a surprise!) but um... those books were excellent. i know they are kind of childish but i read three out of four of them and they were very moving, very touching.

i was a messy baby. isn't that great. i was a very messy baby.

i love joshua. <3 chelsea