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chosh part one

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back for a bit

12:56 on 01.29.03
"making myself sick"

In a radical reform, I have decided to start capitalizing. I kind of forgot how to press that SHIFT button, but I shall learn. Sorry if I miss an "I" here or there. I am not used to this.

And the global midterm that I was in tears over yeserday - in tears - was the easiest test I have taken so far.

I am such a baby. I was in tears because of my global test. I was sure I was going to fail. Absolutely positive. But apparantly, I was wrong. Sure, there were a couple of multiple choice questions I wasn't too sure of (but Yon had the same answers as me) and my DBQ was a little shaky, but I poured on the R(elevant) O(utside) I(nformation) and I used five out of seven documents (oh so kick ass I know), so I think I am doing well here.

*sigh*

I got so worried, I couldn't eat. And when I did eat, I felt so sick to my stomach. And even when I didn't eat, I gagged. Five times in a row. I don't know what is wrong with me. I think I worry myself (literally) sick. I think I might need some sort of prescription because this is something that happens way too much. If I am under even a little bit of stress, I have trouble eating and sleeping. I snap at people and just am not a nice person to be around.

I know, I know. I do this to myself. I take my honors classes and then I pile on the extra curriculars. And then I insist on doing everything myself. But I love it that way. I like to be busy, I like to have a life. And then I look at people who do more than I do, and I add something else because I want to be super-student, super-woman, super-daughter, super-girlfriend.

But I am making myself sick. And that is never a good thing. I am making myself sick. It is hard to admit to that. It is hard to admit that you're making yourself sick, because it's not something you can be proud of.

I'm not proud of it, but I have to do something about it. Before I hurt myself even more. My sister's counselor made a comment about my sleeping habits. She said that I am just going to line myself up for chronic sleep disorder. Something like that.

*sigh* Sometimes life can suck.

I love Joshua.
<3 Chelsea