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chosh part one

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back for a bit

11:44 on 02.01.03
"CTY book is here"

So today is Saturday and it is my official break from school. It is the only break I will have from school. Because homework will start up again.

Sorry I drowned you in the worries of yesterday. And today I shall concentrate on my happy things. I will be optimistic and think on the positive things.

Like yesterday, the CTY book came. The course descriptions and application are here. The only thing I regret about going to CTY is that I won't be able to write in this journal for awhile. I might get a chance once a week, maybe more if I can get hold of a computer. Doubtful. So I will just suffer without DiaryLand. But that is in July and August. No need to think about that stuff right now.

But early registration is February 15th. So I have two weeks to get it in. At least I know what I want to do. I'm so excited! But it is my last year and that is the one problem I have with CTY. It is approaching so quickly and I don't want to have it end. Because I will get there and for three weeks, I will be the happiest girl. And then intersession will come and bam! Two days of no one there. Well, just about two days. And I will look out of the window at the chalk pictures on the sidewalks and I will see the RAs walking from quad to quad and something will hit me. I don't know what. It is a feeling of loneliness, though. And it is sad. And it is then that I know things will end all too quickly. Because first session seemed so long last year. And the second session... It just... I felt like I had gotten there only a couple of days before I left.

I thought I was going to be optimistic. I thought I would. But although CTY is such a wonderful thing (one of the best experiences of my life), it is going to be so upsetting this summer. I am going to have so much trouble leaving. I am going to need a lot of cameras. Because it is going to be the end. I only wish that I had known about it in seventh grade as well. Because then I could have done another session or two.

Oh well. It is too late for regrets. And it is time to look to the future.

Which is.. Well, the newspaper at school comes out on the 14th. (o: I wrote an article for that. My name is going to be in print again. Which has always been a good feeling, right?

Joshua stayed home last night. Of course, we ended up fighting, but it was okie, I guess. He felt empty and not connected to me. I was depressed about my grades. Thinking about them brings tears to my eyes, and it is going to continue to be like that for awhile. Oh man... No high honor roll this quarter. I guess I could deal with that. One quarter of no high honor roll. But if anymore quarters like that occur in my high school career, I am going to be very upset.

I am going now. I can't concentrate on anything. Too upset. Too hopeful. All at the same time.

I love Joshua. <3 Chelsea