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chosh part one

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back for a bit

18:13 on 03.16.03
"Feeling weird"

Okay, so maybe things between Chelsea and Joshua aren't as great as I am currently envisioning them. But never mind how bad things really are, because all I really want is for Joshua to hold me and cuddle with me and then tell me that everything is okay. Another childish fantasy? Yeah, that would be about right...

I just want my life to go on and be good. I just want to be happy. Again.

I miss Joshua so much. I miss us and our relationship.

Does anybody think that I am trying too hard? Does anybody think that I am just holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore? And you can be honest, I don't want anything to be sugarcoated because sugarcoated isn't brutal enough. And I just want the truth right now.

I wish I knew the truth right now. I wish I wish I wish.

I ate three plates of macaroni and cheese today. That was my dinner. Am I proud of myself? Yeah, I am. (o:

I feel good.

I love Joshua. <3 Chelsea