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chosh part one

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back for a bit

22:29 on 06.21.03
"covered with dew"

One more day til revolution/We will nip it in the bud/I will join these little schoolboys/They will wet themselves with blood.

Can you name the song that is from? That's right! It is Les Mis' "One Day More." Go me. I am in Les Miserables mood today. It's not that great.

I still really miss Joshua. I have nothing better to talk about, so I will dwell upon him. He has to go somewhere tonight... (I don't mind that much, I am just trying to miss him less.) He has a lot to read when he gets home: all of these entries and an email from me.

I am planning on writing a "history of us" sometime soon. I really am. It would give me a chance to sort out our history, which has now gotten considerably long...

I was going through old reviews, and whenever they linked to an entry, I went back to read what they liked so much. A lot of the entries were about Joshua and they just made me remember... (I have a grand use of ellipses, I know.)

One of the entries was about how I am worried about the future. And it caused me to realize that I still am (sometimes it takes an old entry to bring on an outpouring of emotion/thoughts). I don't want to face the change from what I have now to what I will have at college. I don't want that change because I am comfortable where I am. Does everybody understand this? I do not want to have to adjust again.

But at the same time... It is exciting. I know that everything is two years away but you have to start preparing early. I want to go to college and establish myself in what I am going to do and that is exciting and right now, uncrossed territory. But change is different. Change is hard. People born on May 15 dislike change. It says so on my keychain (something Joshua got me, of course.)

I'm frustrating myself now, because I am thinking of things that are so far away, but I am planning already.

The truth is, the last year went by so quickly. Suddenly, my sophomore year is over and I am taking finals. What's up with that? September was only a memory ago. It honestly feels like yesterday.

But bring on junior year. I am going to whip it. It is not going to whip me...

(and now to use the very famous cliche...)

Those were her famous last words.

So my current dilemma is: Should I bring my summer homework to music camp? It is a lot of stuff to do for AHAP (American History AP - I will never translate that again. And it is pronounced "A-HAP") but school will just have let out. And Joshua will be there and Ashley will be my roommate and I will surely make lots of new friends (I always do) and then there's going to be my flute and so much music to play... Too many ditractions. No time to do work. Why carry the extra weight? So I can look uber smart and just very geeky at a music camp? I don't think so. I know we get the 4th of July off, but I am going to spend that time in town... Not with my nose buried in books.

Speaking of books...

We read a fairly decent novel in English class. It was the last book we read. I liked it a lot. It's called "A Seperate Peace" and it's by John Knowles. Friendship and betrayal are themes, among other things. It's actually moving. I liked it. Everybody else hated it.

My hair is so oily and greasy. I need to take a shower badly.

But I have Sunday and Monday off from work! And then Tuesday and Wednesday I get to serve guys from my school and Ashley's school. It's so not exciting. But now, I'm out.

I love Joshua.
<3 Chelsea