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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

17:45 on 07.18.03
"fights"

I... We... got into a fight. I think. I don't even want to explain what happened. I don't want to get into details because that would require going back into whenever.

*sigh*

But the only reason we're togetheris because we have to spend three weeks together. This was supposed to be a lot of fun, and it was something we were both looking forward to. Right now, I am too upset to think about having fun. I'm afraid of what is going to happen when we are togeter for three whole weeks.

*sigh again*

You can't have everything, I guess. But we were so happy and I had never felt so good and I thought everything was finally settled.

Oh well. The world has a habit of shaking me after I have settled myself. I should be used to this by now.

I know that it is my fault, but still. Can't he forgive and forget and pretend it never happened? Because then we could go to CTY all happy and excited and in love.

Right?

I should stop thinking my life is alright. Because it's not, it's not, it's not.

Onto other things, I have to go to my grandmother's house tonight. I am looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm not. We don't do anything except for watch tv and play card games and I'm sorry, but that can not occupy me for very long.

Especially when I am sad.

But my grandmother wants to see me before I leave for CTY and that is understandable. *sigh* Tomorrow's entry may be the last one for the next couple of weeks. It depends on whether or not I have internet access. I hope I can use the internet there. I mean, no tv and no cell phone is enough punishment, right? Well, I am bringing my cell phone. Because I need my cell phone. It's so easy to use and it loves me and I love it and it carries all my important numbers. It's lame and pathetic, I know.

Some guy on tv just learned how to tap dance. I used to tap dance. I absolutely loved it. It was so much fun, it was better than jazz or gymnastics. I can't explain why - it just was. The shoes made cool little noises, and I couldn't feel the ground through my shoes. 'Cuz they weren't soft shoes that provided support. And the routines were always so much cooler than the stuff I had to do for jazz or gymnastics or ballet (even though I adn't done that in awhile).

I should have never dropped out. It was so cool. But, if I hadn't drped out, it would have cut out time from my already busy schedule. However, I do want to take hip-hop with Ashley next year. I think that would be fun.

I love Joshua.
<3 Chelsea