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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

14:49 on 08.25.03
"visiting college"

Well, that was unexpected.

I got an email from Ashley today that contained a couple of answers from a survey that Mike had filled out. And he wants to talk to me.

As I said, it was unexpected.

Will I talk to him? I guess so. I don't know. Maybe if he emails me I will respond to him. I don't know, I don't know. It would be nice to see how his new home has been. I know that a lot of people up here miss him. Especially those at the other high school.

But off of that subject. I guess my news today is about visiting Vassar College, where my cousin is going and where my aunt went. So we went there yesterday, and I got the tour with my whole family.

Honestly, I didn't like it. My extended family wants me to go there, but I didn't like it very much. It seemed... stuffy.

The campus is beautiful. Gorgeous, in fact. There are beautiful old buildings that have been around for over a century. I felt that the architecture was amazing and so were the stained glass windows that adorned some buildings. It was magnificant. And then there are these brand new buildings and they contrast with the older ones, but they look so good together. For some reason, the new standing against the old us works.

And the town where Vassar is... It's nice. There's resturants galore (I think there were at least six that I could see from where we parked our car) and cheap little stores and even a yoga place. Okay, so it's a college town. It is built to cater to the needs of college students. The restaurant we ate at was a pool hall, too. The town is quiet and older looking. A very nice area.

But it didn't click.

There was nothing there that sparked any interest in me. Nothing. It just didn't excite me. The thought of being there for four years, trudging to the music hall everyday... No. It's not even a thought. Well, I could imagine myself there, but could I imagine myself there and happy? No. It'd be great to be where my cousin is and everything, but I felt like it had nothing to offer me.

I like big... Big city, big school... Lots of things in the school, lots of activity outside of the school. If it's NYC, there's Broadway. If it's Baltimore... Well, there are so many things in Baltimore whose names I can't remember.

But now I am scared. What if every college I visit doesn't click with me? I have been to three now - Dickinson, Colgate and Vassar. All of them have beautiful campuses, but none of them screamed "This is you, Chelsea. This is for you, it is you!" I've heard that that is how you know you belong there. You just know and you can see yourself there and you know you'll belong.

So what if that doesn't happen for me? I'm so worried about this. Actually, I am not worried, I am in a state of freaking out.

I don't know. I don't even know if looking for a college will be worth my time and my effort.

Once again, this is me worrying about the future.

-Chelsea