>>diary
cast
rings
reviews
registered
clix

>>contact
guestbook
tagboard
notes
e-mail

>> me
profile
the girl
likes / hates
131 things listings
glossory
bookshelf
poetry
chosh part one

>>did you miss...
-
-
-
-
back for a bit

09:54 on 09.14.02
"ack"

sorry i didn't update the last few days... my father wouldn't let me online. he likes to make my life miserable and i hate that.

my family went to the renaissance faire today. i stayed home. so i am home right now with homework and online updating to do. my dad doesn't want me online. oh well. i don't care. he told me to take care of my own life. so that is what i am doing.

my parents got into a fight this morning, like usual. they fight over everything. this time it started with something about me.

basically, my father told me that he didn't want me to go online and to make sure, he was going to take the internet keyboard. and my mom told him that if he kept doing stuff like this, he was going to kill me, because i am fifteen and all he does is punish, punish, punish. (there are consequences for everything.) and then they started fighting. and it all exploded into something that much bigger and... yeah... they fight all of the time. i don't want to be near them right now. i hate it when they fight. they say that they don't want to be near each other... they say that it is over... they threaten divorce. they scream, they shout, they get mad at you for saying hi. but hasn't that been the story of my family life since before i was born? according to my mom, it has.

but i am not going to let that fight ruin everything happy that has happened.

i talked to joshua a bunch of times and... we fought, we cried, we almost broke up (again) and now we are a lot better. i am happier. we are happier. we had a perfect conversation on thursday night. perfect. we didn't fight at all. i don't think i cried either. instead, we laughed. and we were the way we used to be... happy. i was the happiest i had been for a loooooong time.

of course, though, it was my mom who let me call him, not my dad. thank you mom.... (she is never going to read this, but oh well.)

i am having trouble typing. i think it is because my hands hurt.

so what else has happened? let's go in order.

first, there was september eleventh. i think everyone has a story from last year, because almost everyone retold something that happened to them on sept. 11th. but we had two moments of silence. one moment was during second period (french) and my teacher started crying so she had to step out of the room. the second moment was during fourth period (gym) and we were all outside on the track. because we had to walk around the track once. joy joy.

i am trying to remember what else has happened. my mind has decided to go sort of blank. all sort things went on, though. so i do have stuff to tell.

i talked to josh on sept. 11th and we sort of fought but by the end of the conversation, we were happier. so that is always good.

i talked to him the next night, too. we didn't fight at all. i had so much fun talking to him. i felt so happy and in love. i love joshua so much. he made me feel better... our relationship is (slowly) getting better. i am so glad it is. i was so afraid that everything would collapse and i wouldn't have him anymore. and that scares me. you might think that i am too attached, but i really really love him and i love our relationship as well. both of us put a lot of time into our relationship. a lot of time...

i think i will just jump around and write about whatever comes to mind. it's so... strange... to write about things in chronological order.

yesterday night, i went to youth group. well, sort of youth group. it was outreach night, so we went to pastor earl and gwen's house to clean for them. i cleaned windows. like, eight windows. joyous, right? alisha helped me. i talked a lot to alisha. i love alisha. she is so easy to talk to. and she listens. i also talked to chrissy. i love chrissy too. :)

i have six tests... one in math, one in global, one in chem, one in french, and two in english to study for. and i also have homework and flute on top of that. joy joy. well, i love practicing my flute. my flute is half of my life. it really is. i got an advanced lesson book and i can play a lot of it the first time i look at it. which i think is good. i want to be the top flutist so badly. that is my dream. that is what i want. and i will practice all i can to get what i want. t really is important to me, and even though a lot of things are important to me, this is one of those things that fall under the category of "more than really important." :) so i have practiced a lot. and if i am not playing, i am working on rhythms and checking key signatures, time signatures and tempos, among other things... things like dynamics, accidentals, repeats... yeah, i don't just play the music, i study the music. but if you want to be an excellent player, that is what you have to do.

i am watching playhouse disney. i think i need a life.

my parents want me to start planning out my life. that want me to start looking at colleges and they want me to do things that are related to what i want to do when i am older. but what if i am not sure about what i want to do?

i want to write and i want to play my flute. music and writing... my passions. but i also love foreign languages. i love them. i find them easy and fun. i like speaking in french. i like writing it. i need italian lessons.

and i would do more extracurricular activities, but band and debate take up a lot of my time. there's normal band and symphony orchestra and pep band and...

speaking of pep band...

my homecoming was orignally oct. 4th and 5th, so... i was going to go to acquire the fire the weekend before that and then play in the pep band the first weekend in oct. but the homecoming has been moved up, so i have to choose between homecoming and acquire the fire. i think i want acquire the fire. i haven't been to snything like that yet, but then again, i missed homecoming last year because... well, yeah. maybe i will just go to lakeland's homcoming. i would go with ash and everyone. i dunno. oh well.

okie, i am going now, but expect more later.

i love joshua.

<3 chelsea