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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

10:33 on 10.25.02
"i'm sick 2day"

i'm watching a maury show. they're doing an update thing... it's about women who have been cheated on by their husbands and their fiances... it's also about people who have been abused by their husbands and fiances and boyfriends, etc, etc. like my mom. my daddy abused her. and me. and my siblings. :'(

i don't want to think abou that.

on sunday, i was kicked out of my house. by my father. i called him mean and he chased me out the door while screaming that he isn't mean. i didn't have to head for the door but i knew that if i didn't get out, he would hurt me. you could just tell. he didn't even drop the can of paint that he was using downstairs. so i ran for the door. and he locked me out. but my mom came home a little bit later (forty-five minutes later) and said that i was coming in the house whether he liked it or not.

moving on...

i am staying home from school today. i woke up at 10 am to a call from my high school asking if i was at home today. and then they asked if i was sick. i kind of am... i have been really stressed lately, especially because of my hugh freaking global project, so i haven't eaten or slept much lately. i get about four or five hours of sleep every night, if not less. i don't eat breakfast. i have a half decent lunch and then i don't eat much for dinner. so i get headaches, can't concentrate in class, etc. i'll sit down and fall asleep almost instantly. it's really bad.

i haven't gotten to talk to joshua much either, which really doesn't help. i love talking to him, he makes me laugh, and i don't want to cry when i talk to him. he always makes me feel better.

i'm so glad that things are better between the two of us. they're much much better. we don't cry on the phone anymore, instead we laugh and we talk like we used to. it feels really good to talk to him and have a normal conversation where we aren't worried about what will happen to us.

i love you joshua!

i'm waiting for jerry springer to come on because it's a good laugh and... yeah...

i'm hungry too. i think i will eat something soon. joshua told me that if i want to feel better i am going to have to eat a lot and sleep a lot this weekend. i got myself all sick. and now he is worried about me. i should have listened to what he was saying when i started all of this about a week or two ago. he told me that i should eat more, that i should sleep more, but did i listen to his good advice? no. instead i told him that i would be fine. well now i am not fine. and he was just trying to help me...

and poor joshua is all stressed out. i just want to see him and spend time with him. i wanna cuddle! cuddling is so much fun. :-)

alright, i have to go now and do some other stuffs.

i love joshua.

<3 chelsea