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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

14:39 on 11.02.02
"i miss ilana"

ilana and i used to be best friends. now i have no idea what is going on her life. we used to talk every night, for hours at a time. i can't recall our last conversation. even my boyfriend's talked to her more than i have, and they've never even met. ilana's going through a lot of crap right now, and where am i? damn. when she left, i thought we'd stay friends. i thought things would be the same. we'd talk and get together and stay best friends. now she's cutting more, drinking. and what can i do? nothing. we were always there for each other. that was the way it had always been. i'm worried about her. and i just want to be her friend again.

we used to call ourselves soul sisters. why? because we were exactly the same on the inside. we were identical twins who looked nothing alike. when people asked if we were best friends, we'd tell them we were identical twins. no one ever believed us, for obvious reasons, but then again, no one ever really knew how close we were. we had this unbreakable bond that i was proud of.

ilana and i met just when my first best friend and i were drifting apart. i think everyone has heard the story about how we met. we were on the tour of our middle school on the first day of seventh grade and we were in the computer lab when i asked her what her name was. she said "ilana" and typed it out on the computer, spelling it as she typed, "i-l-a-n-a. what's yours?" and from then on, we formed a bond. she was there for me, i was there for her.

she went through twenty boyfriends that year, while i had one. there was darren, the long and never ending story that finally terminated awhile ago. i was there while she struggled with that.

we laughed together, and eventually cried together. we fought, and then made up. we were best friends.

then at the end of seventh grade, she found out that she was moving to queens, a whole hour away. new school, new life, new friends for her. we threatened to handcuff her to her locker. i hoped for a snowstorm in the middle of summer. i just wanted her to stay. so we promised we'd stay friends, promised to talk every night, and then she was gone.

and now she's farther gone than i thought she'd ever be.

i love joshua.

<3 chelsea