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chosh part one

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back for a bit

22:16 on 11.08.02
"um today?"

ahh! i need to write, i haven't written yet today. i love writing, it's such a way to vent and just say what's going on, so much easier than talking. much easier. well, typing here is kind of like talking... with my fingers on buttons.

so i really miss joshua. my baby is currently at a debate tournament. it is a two day tourney, so it isn't like he is going to be home later on tonight. i have to wait until (probably) late tomorrow night to at least get an email from him.

and while i am on the subject of joshua (as i am constantly on the subject of joshua my dearest boyfriend).. we are bad, but it is because of me. it is my fault. if i didn't say what i had said, we would be fine right now.

so joshua, i want to take back everything i said that was really mean. everything. i didn't mean it, i am really emotionally... whatever you want to call it... right now.

i "dumped" him. but i didn't mean to. i am just really stressed and i have been doing things that i don't mean to do. with everything. i have been messing up with everything, everywhere.

...except i got a 100 on my chemistry test that i took yesterday. i didn't mess up there. in fact, i brought up my average.

but before this week, i have been messing up with my homework and my schoolwork and everything which, you know, does begin to mess up a sweet average. i am not making high honor roll this quarter, and that honestly depresses me.

i get upset and depressed over grades below 95. most people celebrate over an 85. i cry over a 93.

( can you tell i am moody? )

i'm just upset with the world right now.

:-( <---- me being upset @ the world.

( i 'draw' too many 'pictures' )

i was going to end this right here, but i might as well continue, i don't want to write another long entry tonight. it tkaes a lot of time, energy, etc, that i do not have.

constance from cty sent me a letter. i am so happy! now i have three letters to respond to! (lane, steph, constance.) i love writing letters. they are tres fun to read, tres fun to get, tres fun to write. but that is my life.

this is mostly useless (is the word drivel?) drivel. i think it's drivel. i am not sure. but it sounds just about right. so this is useless junk, not a very emotional entry, but when can you expect tonight. there was family night at my church and i 'played' scrabble. (i helped my pastor.) i also sold a bunch fof candy for my band/symphony orchestra fundrasier. ok, the fun thing there was a little funky. oops. :-)

i love joshua.

<3 chelsea