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chosh part one

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back for a bit

15:22 on 12.04.02
"reviewers"

and so it goes/the story is far too old to know it all... -kevin max

and that is how everything with joshua feels. i just had twenty minutes on the bus to go through the history of joshua and chelsea. it seems like everybody wants to know everything about me and my boyfriend all of a sudden. i am asked about him everyday by at least three people. and then they want to see his picture. so i take out a picture. and we're labeled as a cute couple. and then they want to know more. and then they want to meet him.

moving on because the reviewers are complaining that i don't show enough emotion. they say i write too much about josh...

actually, here's two things i love about reviewers who have looked at my diary:

1). they tell me that i don't have an image. i know i don't have an image. you don't have to tell me my template is imageless. you know, if they say "it's an imageless template" that is fine. but when they are saying "you have an imageless template" then it's like duh.

2). they tell me i don't show any emotion. then they tell me that i only show emotion when i write about joshua. and then they say i always write about joshua.

well, for your information ms./mr. reviewer, i am writing about you right now, not joshua!

they want me to have more emotional entries. well, what do they want? if i have no emotion to show, am i supposed to make it up? i think i know what they want.

*the room darkens and a soft glow surronds a girl (dressed in black) perched on a stool. music plays softly in the background. she looks down at the floor*

girl: (with tears in her voice [note from the diarist: still trying to figure out how you can cry tears from your mouth]) when i was eleven, my dog died. it pained me to the very core of my soul. he was my only friend.

so i roamed the world, cold and alone, with pain in the core of my soul. it wrenched at me and made my steps heavy.

and then i found goldie.

goldie was the most amazing goldfish. he picked me up after my fall. and when we became friends, the pain in the core of my soul subsided. i was complete again.

goldie and i went on the most amazing adventures. my favorite was when we went to the pet store to get him a new tank. he looked so glorious swimming swimming swimming away in the crystal clear waters of his home.

and yesterday night, goldie walked away.

*soft light goes out, leaving the stage in complete darkness*

is that what they want? geez... i am not depressed (anymore). that was september. that was seventh grade. that was part of ninth (i think...) i'm not a sad crying girl anymore. i am happy with who i am and where i am in life. i love me, i love joshua, i love life. so get used to it. you're not going to get mant suicidal things from me... maybe if you look in the archives. but now? i think not.

so don't expect me to suddenly slit open my wrist and let my soul spill out onto the floor.

wow, that sounds like stuff out of my old old poetry. has anyone here read my old old poetry? i can write a sampler right now if you want me to. but then joshua will get scared and so will my friends and they'll think i want to die.

*happy*

i had an excellent day. i understand everything in chemistry class right now. everything! that's really good for me, since i struggled with the last unit and i got a 82 on the last test. *grimace* ugh... i am supposed to be a straight a student. but i do everything.

carolyn (freshman) asked me how i do everything. i said "i don't sleep, i eat junk food and drink lots of caffeinated drinks." *not good* i know but it is what i do. i really shouldn't though.

this month is AIDS awareness month. the community service club is doing things to raise money for an organization in the area. (sorry, they're talking about AIDS on the news.)

i played piccolo in band today. i am still having octave control trouble but it has gotten a lot better since i started playing. i do all of the pep band stuff on piccolo (and if needs me at a game, then flute) and i am really proud of myself. mr. r said i did really well. he could hear my this time. and there's probably going to be symphony orchestra tomorrow. *fun* no really, it is. well, at least the band part can play their music. strings are having a lot of trouble. as usual. mmm... i should practice piccolo symphony music. i am first flutist and piccolo over with that thing too. music can be very tiring. and demanding. but i still aspire to play in a broadway pit one day. i will do it. and i will become a great flutist.

i love joshua.

<3 chelsea