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chosh part one

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back for a bit

20:45 on 12.11.02
"my pinky hurts"

i just got a review back, but... c'etait tres terrible. um. i apparantly do not show enough emotion. steph is in the same boat with reviews. i don't care. but i will write more emotion. apparantly, i need a link page. yeah, i will fix up the navigation. eventually. i don't want to go do things with html right now. i don't want to archive my older entries page, i don't want to add more links to a linkage page. i just want to write, write, write.

i also need to tell the story of joshua and chelsea sometime as well. i will. but it takes awhile, because the story begins right after sixth grade, which was several summers ago. and then it spills over into january of eighth grade. and here we are now. in eleven days, it will be twenty three months, which i never thought we would reach. :-)

i shouldn't be typing now. i spent quite some time practicing flute to make myself feel better over the whole kyra/principal flute issue. and halfway through, my fingers started to cramp up and even though they were screaming at me "stop playing! you're going to want to save your hands, or kyra will be principal flutist and you won't even be in the concert!" i just did not stop. i played and played and played. i practiced the same freaking piece over and over. i hate exercise number four in the rubank's advance method, volume 1 flute book now. i can't stand it. but parts of it i am having trouble with. it is a duet, and i have one part down, but the top part has this tricky fingering going on at times. and then i practiced mordents and trills and turns.

i love my life. i will continue loving my life. provided i do not become a cripple. ha.

joshua says that i am overworking myself. i think he is right. my schedule is terrible this week:

thursday: french exam and essay due. (i wrote the essay tonight, and it is so bad and i am going to fail.) pep rally practice (which i dread because that is bad and kyra's there. she gives me icy stares and acts like a big cloud and rains on my parade. but if she wants to be jealous and mad, that is her problem and i shouldn't let it bother me). there's a principal student advisory council meeting tomorrow after school, and that is the equivalent of an hour of torture because i have to be in the same room with our principal and dan h. *shudder* dan h. makes eglish a circus.) ooh.. i don't believe i forgot this, but i have a symphony orchestra rehearsal periods two and three. yay. i hope the strings know what they are doing, they haven't every other time we've had rehearsal.

friday: pep rally! shortened periods and an hour of adrenaline rush as i play my piccolo for hundreds of very un-peppy people. we have a math test which makes the day slightly dark, but okie.

saturday: there's the tournament that i have to flow several rounds at. once again, i am worrying about my hands.

*skipping sunday, it is church*

monday: concert!!! and a solo. :-)

yon and daryl broke up. well, to be more accurate, yon broke up with daryl because feelings change, emotions shift. and i am getting more details tomorrow. but they were together for four months. cute, right? v. cute in fact. well, she was obsessed with him all of freshman year. she got him... even though it didn't last for an amazingly long amount of time.

i hear my sister playing flute. music... is everything i do music oriented? no, it isn't but it is almost as if everything is. i am so obsessed. my flute is my best friend, ditto for my piccolo. when i am depressed, i play flute. when i am joyful, i play flute. when i feel like crap, guess what? i play flute. why? i don't know. i love it, that's why. and why do i love it? hm...

i didn't like it as much when i started. i didn't practice much, and it meant nothing. now, it is what i want for the rest of my life.

"in my own little corner, in my own little chair, i can be whatever i want to be." -cinderella

i had a solo in that song. that was exhilarating. i was the only playing something of note (okie, so maybe the piano was kind of important), but there was no great flute 1 part and there i was, a second flutist, with my solo, all happy and bright. that pit changed me. i don't freak out about my band solos anymore. except that people didn't see me when i was playing in the pit. and that was part of why i didn't really go nuts over that. but now with band, people are going to see me. and if i mess up, they are going to know who messed up. it is kind of intimidating, actually. and frightening. but i like what i am.

i have to go now... i will be back later. i think.