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chosh part one

>>did you miss...
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back for a bit

21:12 on 12.17.02
"debated out"

i'm falling asleep, having trouble keeping my eyes open. which is really bothering me because usually i am wide awake at this time. or, if i am tired, i can usually hide it. i can't even hide it.

cheryl came to visit today during band! it was wonderful. she apologized for missing the concert (she was dragged to somewhere) but she's going to (hopefully) be there for the next one. she played (my) flute with the band while i played piccolo. it was nice having a stand partner again. i don't have any friends in band so i don't share a stand. which is fine with me, because everyone who i could stand with writes all over their music and makes so many stupid marks so eventually you can't read through it. and when you share a stand with someone like that, they only insist on using their own music. *rolls eyes* if there weren't any letters above the notes on the sheet music, they wouldn't be able to play the music. which is sad.

so i don't think that i ever wrote about the concert. and if i did, then i am going over it all over again. well, we were wonderful, and sounded a lot better than during all of our rehearsals. the symphony orchestra sounded so... together (which is something we hadn't achieved before). except i could barely hear myself ad the other flutes. and then there was my solo... ah!!!! so excited, but i was so nervous. i was shaking. i wonder if the audience could tell. i think i was visibly shaking. i don't know why either. because i have done several concerts before (two in every grade since fourth grade) and i was in the pit and i have done drama stuff too. and other musical performances that really do not count. :-) but i couldn't smile i was so nervous. *shrugs* i wonder what was so wrong?

i really miss joshua right now. i am not going to see him this weekend, breaking the streak. unless i see him on the twenty-second (which would be nice because that is our *23* month anniversary). but i am not going to the debate tournament, i am all debated out for the month and for the rest of the (calender) year. but i want to start debating in january. i have to start debating then. it is so much fun... and it will be a lot more fun than policy because at least i will know what i am doing now. i actually feel as if i have a grasp on ld!

alright, i am out. i might be back.

I love joshua.

<3 chelsea